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Rats, The Colony Goes Hungry

Poop - Reviews
The world ended Tuesday night, but I was fine. I was smart enough to not join a reality show "experiment." I sat in my nice clean home (relatively speaking), ate nice clean ice cream, drank nice clean Sprite, and watched the smarty pants of The Colony on the Discovery Channel starve in a pile of rat doody. Read More Add Comment (3)

Monster Quest At Sea

Poop - Reviews

Fill Your Kraken
I'm finding that I can't be fair to Monster Quest. I don't like the show if they look for unlikely monsters. I don't like the show if they look for likely monsters. I don't like the show if they hand me a load of hoo-ha. I don't like the show if they hand me a mere handful of hoo-ha. I just don't like Monster Quest anymore.

Monster Quest gave us a double shot of sea monsters tonight. The giant octopus episode was old. Are there giant octopi? Well, yeah. Monster Quest tried to convince us that size matters and we need to worry about GIANT giant octopi. The albino sperm whale episode was new. Are there albino sperm whale? Yeah. Monster Quest showed us a video of one. Do I need Monster Quest to go find another one for me? Nah. If you bug the living shit out of these animals, will they attack you? Yeah.

Monster Quest has become so damned boring that it's impossible for even me to make fun of it. Monster Quest reviews are now suspended until Monster Quest gets back to the genuine freakiness that made us long to go tramping around in the woods until something weird tried to eat us.

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The Colony Communicates

Poop - Reviews

The world ended over five weeks ago. Yet still The Colony comes on my TV. Perhaps this is Earth Become Purgatory.

This week, we find The Colonists worrying about their health. Sanctuary Warehouse is a good place to get lockjaw. Sanctuary Warehouse is a good place to starve to death. Sanctuary Warehouse is a good place to make things and use a Sawzall and collect generators. Sanctuary Warehouse is a good place! But The Colonists could still use some Bactine.

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The Hollow Earth by Raymond Bernard

Poop - Reviews

THE ACTUAL BOOK!
When I was in high school, I had a cool friend who had a weird family. She informed me that her family belonged to a group that was sort of like a church but wasn't a church and was based on a 1960s book about the earth being hollow. When the world ended, my friend and her family and their fellow group members were going to be safe because they were moving to the center of the earth. Since I was in high school and was totally disinterested in anything that wasn't distilled, I basically said, "Get the hell out of here! This is a joke, right?" I missed my chance to learn more. Years later, I was working at a facility where that very group of Armageddon survivalists had a meeting. Since I was in college and was totally disinterested in anything that wasn't distilled, I was merely stunned by the buckets of money being collected for After The World Ends preparations. I missed my chance to learn more. I can't even remember the name of this group, to tell you the truth.

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Monster Quest Halloween Cat

Poop - Reviews
This week's episode of Monster Quest wouldn't have made me so angry if Monster Quest hadn't treated us to a load of hockey-doo lately. Stray dogs and irresponsible chimpanzee owners...now Monster Quest gives us big black cats within spitting distance of New York City. Read More Add Comment (2)

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