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 It's Tuesday night. The Apocalypse is upon us. The Colony came on again.
In this episode, the Colonists did what they always do, which is worry
about a generator. The generator that the Colonists got from Bad
French Accent Actor Trader is not working right. Oh. My. God. The
Colonists only have one generator instead of two generators! First
Generator is good for the all-important Sawzall, but what about Arc
Welder? Hmmm? It's there, so The Colonists need to use it. Why do
they need it? To fix up Battle Truck, which will take them away from
the Living Hell of Sanctuary Warehouse, which is where all the CRAP
that they are totally obsessed with is. It's like Dorothy wanting to
leave Oz, except Dorothy didn't like Oz. These people love Sanctuary
Warehouse, where they have discovered self worth through putting
together kits Off Camera Experts left laying around.
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 Monster Quest was back this week with a new episode about a menacing monster in the wilds of America that we've heard virtually nothing about because it isn't a monster in the wilds of America. Killer chimps. Monster Quest was able to find two people who claimed to have seen chimps outdoors. By all means, let's go a'questin' for killer chimps!
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 I'm happy to announce that the world ended again on Tuesday night, which means I once again subjected myself to the biggest disaster on TV...The Colony. Remember last week when The Colonists were raided by actors and decided it was finally time to close the back door of their Sanctuary Warehouse? Well, the show this week was about closing the back door...kind of.
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 As fall looms on the horizon, we all start rushing to suck up the last drops of summer . We set our yards on fire with our grills. We set our yards on fire with leftover fireworks. We hit the beach whether or not we've lost weight or gotten a prep-tan. We desperately try to get bitten by a shark without actually getting bitten by a shark. Did you notice that it's Shark Week on the Discovery Channel? If you haven't, you don't have a television. The cast of The Colony doesn't have a television (well they actually DO, we discovered this week), and somehow The Discovery Channel took this as an excuse to interrupt Shark Week to show us The Colony again. You'd think we'd have gotten a break this week, at least. You'd think I'd stop watching The Colony, but I don't.
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 I was driving my regular drive up a deserted western Maryland mountain one foggy winter night when my car was suddenly spotlighted by a huge, blinding light from above. I quickly checked my dashboard clock so I could keep track of Lost Time while I was aboard the alien craft. I wondered if I'd see pictures of Betty and Barney Hill while I was there. I considered pooping myself, but at the same time I wanted to stay neat for my local TV news appearances. Then I realized...it was the light on top of a cell phone tower. The fog was directing the light right down into my face. My faux UFO experience was never repeated, even when conditions were similar. That night was abnormal, but it wasn't paranormal. So now, whenever I hear reports of odd things in the sky, my mouth always purses up into a sideways pout suitable for either showing skepticism or for making fart noises. I know how easy it is to be fooled. Don't I let Monster Quest fool me every single week into thinking that they have something unusual to show me? (See last week's review on the Monster Quest STRAY DOG show.)
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