 It's Tuesday night again.
The Colonists of The Colony are back on The Discovery Channel to show us how to survive the end
of the world by being selfishly, gizmo-obsessedly, tunnely visionish.
This week, The Colonists are in the same shape they were in last
week...hungry, thirsty, dirty, and too smart for their own goods.
Except now Gay Drug Trafficker Contractor is sick. Hooker Dress Nurse
thinks it's a kidney stone, but I'm betting on a stray leftover condom
in his colon. There are several ways it could have gotten there.
Since Gay Drug Trafficker Contractor is out of commission until he pees
(poos), The Colonists have nothing to do. They can't work on Battle
Truck without Gay Drug Trafficker Contractor (who knows why), so they,
of course, busy themselves other ways.
Work, work, work, invent, invent, invent. Generator has already been
invented, so what to make? Helium Balloon Security Camera! Helium
balloon security camera is vital to The Colonists' survival because The
Colonists need to see what is outside of Sanctuary Warehouse. Going to
look themselves is OUT OF THE QUESTION, so Helium Balloon Security
Camera must be made and flown straight into the razor wire surrounding
Sanctuary Warehouse. Yay! Next invention.
Next invention is Solar Powered Trike. This is a very vital invention
because The Colonists can use it to gather the supplies that The Actors
outside already gathered up during the weeks that The Colonists have
sat on their very smart behinds starving to death in Sanctuary
Warehouse. Tiny Penis Illiterate Handyman draws his trike idea for us
and WRITES THE WORD "TRIKE" on Sanctuary Think Tank Board! ILLITERATE.
MY. BUTT. But I already told you that in my VERY FIRST REVIEW OF THIS
SHOW.
Tiny Penis "Illiterate" Handyman then proceeds to alienate the other
Colonists with his anger over his tiny penis until nobody will help
him, even when he cuts his hand open and dips it in poo. Sure Solar
Powered Trike is vital (in the same sense that all of the inventions
are "vital"), but Tiny Penis "Illiterate" Handyman is a dick.
Then everything changes....a group of strangers (Actors) show up at
Sanctuary Warehouse. You know that goes over like a fart in Doomsday Cult church.
The Colonists hate people. These Actors include women, children,
and...Old Naked Rain Dancer's wife! The Colonists let The Wife in,
then drive The Actors into the Harsh Unknown. Who knows what will
happen to them...but who cares?
Reunited by their hatred of All Non-Colonists, The Colonists band together with
Tiny Penis "Illiterate" Handyman to finish Solar Powered Trike. Then, Tiny
Penis "Illiterate" Handyman and Rat Chef ACTUALLY GO OUTSIDE OF
SANCTUARY WAREHOUSE to do "Recon" (loot). The looting of a trailer
park goes badly. Tiny
Penis "Illiterate" Handyman and Rat Chef run into Actors who trash
Solar Powered Trike and inform The Colonists that there is only one
REAL Colony...and that is Trailer Park Colony.
Genius tails tucked between legs, Tiny Penis "Illiterate" Handyman and Rat Chef return to Sanctuary Warehouse to whine, "It's horrible out there! Those rednecks stole
our name! The-the-they said THEY are THE COLONY!!!!!" A similar thing
happened to me in childhood, when the kids next door stole the name my
friends and I had adopted for ourselves, The Harley Chopper Kung Fu Warriors, so I can totally
feel the Colonists' pain. I guess.
The episode ends with Gay Drug Trafficker Contractor screaming in the
bathroom until he emerges triumphantly waving a condom. The other
Colonists immediately snatch the condom for use in their next
invention...Rat Controlled Moon Module. It's vital to their survival.
(OK, I made some stuff up in this review. I think that the Invention
Bug must be catching. Could this be the pandemic that ends the world?)
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so eentresting